1. You could do with a Rebecca Wilikinson Films ident to go with your MGM distributor logo 2. Opening credit should probably be "Metro Goldwyn Mayer presents/ A Rebecca Wilikison Films production" on two separate credits 3. The opening two shots (of the fire and the knife) seem a little out of place, being so short; they might be better backing the actor credits all the way? There needs to be some logic in terms of where credits are coming in relation to image (so either the credits are all on black with the images between them, or you lose the black altogether) since otherwise it all looks a little sloppy. See below for my thoughts on this 4. The "editors" credit is held for far too long 5. There is an odd black screen at about 0:54, while the production design credit at 0:57 takes too long to come in; same with the Exec Producer credit 6. It's very short (discounting the MGM ident, it's barely 90s, with a fair bit of this being black screen.It needs to be 2min, the majority of this footage
Advice: you need to make a decision about the credits. Personally, I would do them so that each one cuts in on black between your footage for about 3s (you could do the blur fade in and out if you want) ending with the director credit. In between, you should have your shots (each of which lasting no less than 1s, with some sequential). Ideally, you should have some evidence of continuity and narrative, since this isn't really clear at the moment - you could do with something clarifying the plot a little. This could possibly be shots of Rob getting ready, preparing his tools/ knives, leaving the house, heading for the woods etc. You need a more solid representation if you're going to answer that question with confidence. Really, you need about twice as much footage as you have here.
I would suggest watching Sean Scott's piece from a couple of years back ("Winter" - https://vimeo.com/64981058) and also a piece called "Still Alive" by a girl called Jess - https://vimeo.com/15083727)
1. You could do with a Rebecca Wilikinson Films ident to go with your MGM distributor logo
ReplyDelete2. Opening credit should probably be "Metro Goldwyn Mayer presents/ A Rebecca Wilikison Films production" on two separate credits
3. The opening two shots (of the fire and the knife) seem a little out of place, being so short; they might be better backing the actor credits all the way? There needs to be some logic in terms of where credits are coming in relation to image (so either the credits are all on black with the images between them, or you lose the black altogether) since otherwise it all looks a little sloppy. See below for my thoughts on this
4. The "editors" credit is held for far too long
5. There is an odd black screen at about 0:54, while the production design credit at 0:57 takes too long to come in; same with the Exec Producer credit
6. It's very short (discounting the MGM ident, it's barely 90s, with a fair bit of this being black screen.It needs to be 2min, the majority of this footage
Advice: you need to make a decision about the credits. Personally, I would do them so that each one cuts in on black between your footage for about 3s (you could do the blur fade in and out if you want) ending with the director credit. In between, you should have your shots (each of which lasting no less than 1s, with some sequential). Ideally, you should have some evidence of continuity and narrative, since this isn't really clear at the moment - you could do with something clarifying the plot a little. This could possibly be shots of Rob getting ready, preparing his tools/ knives, leaving the house, heading for the woods etc. You need a more solid representation if you're going to answer that question with confidence. Really, you need about twice as much footage as you have here.
I would suggest watching Sean Scott's piece from a couple of years back ("Winter" - https://vimeo.com/64981058) and also a piece called "Still Alive" by a girl called Jess - https://vimeo.com/15083727)
You could possibly also include some shots of his (potential) victim?
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